i am not my mother

i've done it. i've joined a real blogging community. just like every new mom out there, just like everyone who has a point to make. i did it, ok? get over it. be warned that i've been described negatively with words such as crass and rude. they're true. i have a foul mouth when needed, and i don't take people's judgments and suggestions as seriously as i should, oftentimes. i'm here for ME. to get things off my chest or to brag about my life. i have not gone soft.

first off, an explanation of the title. no offense, mom. as you will undoubtedly read this via my facebook page. i came up with this title as an offense to one of the online mom communities i'm a part of. look me up, i'm the offensive one. "i am not my mother" is simply a statement. i was reading a question about television and children and there were so many judgmental people out there who are like "don't do this if you want to be a good parent," or "you'll damage your child for life," and such. the point is, i am NOT my mother. you are not your mother, she is not her mother. we are different people. i may look like my mom sometimes, and my daughter may be a spitting image of me sometimes, but we are not the same. we are different. and i am glad. my mother is a wonderful person and i love her, but i am glad i was raised to be ME, and not a clone.

i will undoubtedly spend a great deal of time on this blog talking about my daughter, who i will probably refer to as lj most of the time. she is almost two months, and the light in my world. i also have a stepdaughter who i lovingly call "little miss" most of the time. she is three and we like to make cookies and crafts when we are together. i also have a husband. he is my go-to, my strength, and sometimes the source of my anger. my family consists of three of the four loves of my life...the fourth would probably be music. (or robert downey jr... you pick.) i love them with all of my heart and am so proud to be a part of this unit that i've wanted for my entire life.

some of my "friends" have said that becoming a mom has made me soft. sure, i caved in on the "i will not let my child sleep in my bed EVER," and the "i will not annoy people by talking consistently about my child," but i. have. not. gone. soft. i'm still me. i'm still rude, and crass, and perfectly disgusting sometimes. i will say that being a mom has opened my eyes. i didn't think i could love something so hard and so fast as i fell for my lj. the second i heard her first scream i remember looking at my husband and saying "that's the best sound in the world." then i screamed from behind the c-section curtain "it's a girl right? i have way too much pink shit in my house for a boy." see there? still me. the minute i saw her chubby little cheeks i was a goner. she screamed her way into my heart. she changes daily right now, and i love watching her every move. i don't want to miss anything. it's going to suck going back to work in a week.

i'm short and sweet for now. more on a new day, when its not 1:30 am and i should be sleeping while my baby sleeps. funny, my baby sleeps, i don't. are there any almighty parenting journals for that?

OUT.