White Trash Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas an' all thru the park, wasn't nuttin to hear, 'cept a mew, and a bark.
The stockings were hung by the fake fireplace, in hopes that ol' fat guy would soon show his face.

The kids was asleep with the little tv on, and screen doors were slamming, the flying pigs on the lawn.
Mimi in the kitchen was finishing the pie, and papa was online tossing the die.

When out in the street there came a loud crash,
They'd hoped the ol' cats weren't into the trash.
When they looked out the winder they gasped dern right heavy,
They thought the drunk neighbor done crashed his ol' Chevy.

The street light shone down on the pavement below, gave just enough light to the crash scene down low.
When what to their baffled brains did appear,
But a ol' beat up sled, led by eight ten-point deer.

The little ol' driver snubbed out his last cig, I wondered how fat man got up on that rig.
Mo' fast than the police his curses they came. He coughed and he choked as he called them by name.

Dern dasher and dancer, git on prancer and vixen. Git on Comet and Cupid, now Donner and Blitzen.
To the end of the street and over the wall, Git on you ol' reindeer, git over, ya all!

Gravel and dust like a ternader did fly, got to the ol' brick wall, and was up in the sky.
Above metal rooftops those derned reindeer flew with that beat up ol' sled, an' ol' fat boy too.

And then in a flash was heard on the roof, the scuffles and clumsy of all them dern hooves.
Put their heads in the door and was turnin' around when thru the big picture winder, fat boy came with a bound.

He was dressed all in red 'cept his hair and his boots and that suit was all dirty with ashes and soot.
A bag full of presents he swung right around and looked like a burgler 'bout to make his first round.

His eyes sorta twinkled and his dimples would kill ya, looked like he'd been dippin' 'to papa's tequila.
His lips was drawn up into a right smile and the beard on his chin was as long as a mile!

The butt of a cig held tight 'tween his teeth, and the smoke done made smelly the new Christmas wreath.
He had a round face and a big round belly, shook the house when he laughed like a jar o' Mimi's jelly.

He looked fat and hungry that ol' Christmas crook, knew his ol' lady back home musta been a good cook.
He winked right away and turned his fat neck They knew about then wasn't nuttin' to fret.

He said not a word and went on to his job, filled all the stockings and turned with a nod. Packages flung under the tree that did twinkle, then out in a flash back thru the winder.

He climbed in his sled and cursed them to go, bet he was wishin' the south got some snow. Heard him yell loud as he drove to the sky, "Happy Christmas ya all and have a good night!"